Some of the most beloved celebrities have passed away this year: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Garry Shandling, and Ken Howard. Most people were heartbroken to hear that former First Lady Nancy Reagan died. She had been such a prominent figure in the 1980s when her husband sat in office. When those who are admired leave this earth, it reminds people of their own mortality. Take the opportunity to open a conversation with those you love about your own funeral arrangements. No one likes to talk about death, but the reality is that it could happen any time.
Why Talk About Your Funeral Plans?
Think back to the last person in your family who died. What was it like for the ones who had to deal with the arrangements? There are hundreds of details that have to be taken care of at a death. Someone has to make decisions. Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone in the family were on the same page? Letting your family know what you expect makes the time less stressful. It’s already going to be difficult for them. You shouldn’t add stress to their grief. Here are some tips to help you get the information out there.
Before you talk to your loved ones about your plans, you need to know what you want. Spend a few days thinking about your own funeral or memorial service. Maybe make some notes. This is more than your will or financial information, even though they should have that knowledge too. Your funeral is a time for those to remember you and help your family move forward. Consider which things are important to you, such as your favorite songs or scriptures. You don’t have to make a full outline, but providing direction will let them have more peace in their planning process.
Talking to Your Loved Ones
Find a time when everyone is relaxed. You might only want to talk to one of the children instead of all of them at once. You know your family dynamics. Expect your family to not want to talk about your demise. Introduce the subject gently. Tell them that you’re perfectly healthy, and you hope they don’t need this information for a long time. Remember that you’ve probably had some time to process the topic while they are just hearing about it.
If they refuse to talk about it, just tell them that you’ve left some information for them with the other documents they need. If you have two or more children, they’ll be glad that you took the time to work this out. Grief often makes coming to decisions even more difficult. Jot down some of the important dates and information that needs to go in the obituary. Often, children, or even siblings, aren’t aware of things that you did that you consider important to your life.
Have a segue to change the subject when the conversation turns too difficult. Be gracious and thank your family members for listening. Don’t get too concerned about their refusal. You may have no idea about their own states of mind and what they are dealing with. Death is a difficult topic to talk about. Unfortunately, once you die, it’s too late to talk about it.
Have this conversation with your loved ones. If your parent hasn’t talked to you about his or her own wishes, maybe it’s time to bring it up. Use the same ideas. Tell him or her you hope you don’t need the information for many years, but you want to know “what if?” If he or she isn’t ready, ask the parent to think about it and discuss it with you later or to make some notes. It’s just for your own peace of mind.