If you’ve ever struggled with confidence or self-worth, you’re not alone. Whether it’s over your looks, career or personality, everyone has doubts at some time, even those who seem the most comfortable with themselves. A lot of people think that losing weight or being more successful is the way to find more self-esteem, but rather than finding validation in being perfect, it’s important to learn to be comfortable with yourself right now. Sure, you can have goals and dreams, but you can’t let not having those things keep you from being confident today.
Know Yourself
Loving yourself as you are means that you do need to be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t judge yourself when you’re gathering this list. Just see where you are. This self-awareness can help you in the long run. Once you know your characteristics, accepting those qualities is important. Some people have a hard time accepting their strengths, while others have a hard time accepting their weaknesses. If you have a hard time with acceptance, you may need to change your thinking. What if your best friend exhibited this trait? Could you love him/her in spite of it? What would you say if that individual came to you and said, “I hate this part of myself”? Don’t think you have to accept everything in one day, but work on loving who you right now, not who you want to be.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes and try new things. Kids are always told to be kind toward one another, but the lost message is to be kind to yourself. Self-love is often forgotten. It might be out of a fear of being conceited or not having motivation, but inner harmony begins self-kindness. Self-compassion is very difficult because it can feel like self-indulgence. When you take care of yourself, even mentally, you’re not being selfish.
Pretend You’ve Got It
When you’re trying to become more confident, you are going to have to be careful about the messages you hear. Culture and media tell us that we should act or feel or look a certain way, which can make you feel even more self-conscious when you don’t fit the mold. You may not be able to turn off your television or leave social media, just be careful about taking the message to heart. While you’re practicing self-compassion, surround yourself with positive people who are comfortable in their own skin. You want people who will pull you up, not put you or themselves down.
Confidence doesn’t happen overnight. Every new situation has the potential to make someone feel anxious. What’s the key? The old “fake it ‘till you make it.” Note that this does not mean faking who you are. It just means pushing yourself out into the world to take on an uncomfortable situation and discover your strengths. Instead of cowering in the back and wondering whether you can do something, just pretend you can and go forth.
Engage in Dialogue
Think about why you do what you do. Listen to the dialogue in your own head and analyze why you’re uncomfortable. Reach out to others who appreciate you for yourself and can help you change the message in your mind. Find others who struggle with self-esteem and want to change themselves. Create a support group. There’s power when you have someone to help you stay accountable to loving yourself.
Practice being grateful for who you are and what you can do to contribute to society. Just like you don’t want to take friends for granted, don’t take yourself for granted. You have many positive attributes that are yours and yours alone. Self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight, but if you never take steps toward loving yourself, it’s not going to happen.