Subscribing to a religion or faith is a personal choice that every adult is entitled to. Belief systems often help people feel a sense of purpose or answer questions about existence. Everyone has a life to live, and many people follow certain religions or spiritualities in life’s journey. Some people join cults or religious groups that seem strange, unusual, and maybe even disturbing to outsiders. What happens if a loved one joins a cult? What do you say to that person? Here are some things you should and shouldn’t do.
Don’t View Your Loved One as Crazy
You may be tempted to write off your loved one as being “crazy.” It’s important to recognize your friend or family member as the same person they’ve always been. Recognize that they have fallen in love with the ideas this cult or social group has offered, which is not unlike falling in love with someone you may not like. Instead of dismissing that person, try to learn more about the cult’s views and practices. (Side note: You should probably not use the word “cult” at all.)
Do Stay Connected
You may feel like you need to withdraw from your friend or family member. It’s crucial to stay in touch, especially if that person is withdrawing from you and others because of this social group. Staying connected includes phone calls, emails, and even handwritten letters. See if you can meet with this person away from the confines of the group, if possible. Be careful about meeting your loved one at a location with other cult members. You may also be susceptible to the cult’s ideas and concepts.
Do Collect Evidence of Harm and Trouble
If you’re still communicating with your loved one, you may feel pressured to constantly talk about how harmful the cult is. Sometimes you can show people better than you can tell them. Find proof of the cult’s harm or trouble to share. This can include testimonials from ex-members. Articles from independent and unbiased news sources can also be helpful. If your friend or family member has the tiniest seed of doubt, the information you share can help that seed grow into a lush, verdant plant.
Don’t Kidnap Your Loved One
You cannot remove someone from a cult by physical force. First of all, that’s kidnapping, and it’s illegal. Furthermore, abducting someone to subject them to deprogramming may have negative consequences. In the mid-1990s, a man successfully sued a deprogrammer. While this practice was popular in the past, it has been largely discredited now.
Do Shower Encouragement
This might seem counterintuitive, but strategic encouragement may help your family member or friend “see the light.” Many people join cults and cult-like social groups because there’s something that they desire for themselves. Encourage that person by congratulating them for working on themselves and pushing for self-improvement. This may help your loved one see that the cult isn’t helping to achieve personal goals.
Don’t Do It Alone
Your relationship with your loved one may lead you to feel that only you can fix things. It’s important to work with other friends and relatives and present a united but safe and nonjudgmental front. The adage “teamwork makes the dream work” is especially useful here.
Do Continue To Be Patient
After a person leaves a cult, they may feel foolish. It may take some time for that person to feel whole again. Avoid judgment and continue to be supportive. Praise that person’s desire to strive for something better. Don’t add to the voices of harsh self-critique.
Regardless of how strange they may seem to you, cults do appeal to some people. That may include someone you love. Consider these dos and don’ts if you find yourself having to deal with this situation.