As a parent or legal guardian of one or more children, you’re responsible for making sure they’re protected and provided for. Presumably, you want your child to also be prepared to live their best life as a contributing member of society. This preparation can include anything from teaching a youngster how to drive a car to encouraging them to be charitable and kind to others. For many people, raising offspring also includes exposing them to a religious belief in a higher power or adhering to a spiritual path.
While you can share your worldview with a youngster, ultimately, they will make their own choices in life. This includes their religious beliefs (or lack thereof). It’s one thing if a child doesn’t share your taste in movies, fashion, or cuisine. It’s often another thing if that child rejects your faith and goes another way. Here are some things to keep in mind.
Lead With Love
It might seem cliche, but it’s important to make sure your actions are guided by love, not fear or hurt. It can be difficult not to take things personally, but it’s important to remember they’re your child regardless of their belief or unbelief. Your love for them shouldn’t be conditional (or appear to be conditional). Support their decision and don’t treat them differently as a result.
Don’t Make It About You
It’s okay to be disappointed your child is choosing another way, but don’t make their actions about you. Centering yourself in their decision is selfish. Furthermore, that likely won’t make your kid reconsider their choices. You’ve raised them to be independent and equipped them to find their own place in the world. Take comfort in the fact that they feel empowered to make decisions for themselves.
Religious belief tends to be a very important aspect of our lives. When a child rejects the path you’ve chosen for yourself, it can feel deeply personal. Remember you’re still a parent, and although religious upbringing is important to you, your value as a parent goes beyond faith. Consider this perspective: Would you want your child to walk the same path out of obligation to you?
Honor Their Religious Beliefs
Your child’s faith or belief system is important to them. You don’t have to agree with what they believe, but you can honor their views. For example, if your child now has certain dietary restrictions, do your best to accommodate them when you’re together. You can also take this opportunity to find out what your child needs for their practices at home. One example might include helping them make space for prayer or other rituals at home.
Look for Connections
It’s easy to focus on the things that separate adherents of different faiths. Why not look for commonalities or new things to share? It will take some effort on your part, but this is an opportunity to show a genuine interest in their faith. Here are some questions to ask yourself and your child:
- What attracted them to this religion?
- Are there similarities between their rituals and mine?
- How can this make our relationship stronger?
Many religions have their own version of the Golden Rule, which instructs us to treat others as we want to be treated. Show a genuine interest in what your child believes and use a common thread such as the Golden Rule as a starting point.
As a parent or legal guardian, you want to do what’s best for your children. You can guide them and encourage them, but ultimately they have to live their own lives. Should they choose a different spiritual path from you, the best thing you can do is love them and respect their choices.